Did you know that you can buy an authentic human skull on ebay? You can. You totally can. Often, for under $400. You may be tempted to buy one, despite the fact that your fiancee was already upset at the money you spent on a laser powerful enough to set things on fire (regardless of its objective awesomeness).
This temptation has arisen from time to time for me over the years, ever since I caught wind of the fact that I could essentially impulse-buy a severed head on my laptop while sitting pantsless in my bedroom watching cartoons. If you don’t understand why owning a human skull is tempting, I won’t even try to explain it to you. You’re a normal well-adjusted sort. Pat yourself on the back.
If you do understand why I think this would be cool, then you might be acquainted with the little devil on my shoulder (who looks and sounds a little like Vincent Price) that whispers things like, “think how cool that would look on top of the bookshelf there… this is why credit cards were invented… how do you expect to ever identify your latent talent for necromancy if you don’t even own a human skull?”
That said, I’ve never clicked “bid.” Why? Because as much as I want a skull to be a simple prop, I can’t help but picture the person who used to carry that skull around on top of their shoulders. Do I believe that this person would be outraged that I bought his/her head and used it as a conversation piece? No. Not really. But the realization that all the hopes, fears, and loves of an entire life once whirled around inside that particular conversation piece makes me feel like an ass every time I think of logging into paypal and making myself and my home just a little creepier.
That’s right. I’m slightly too scrupulous to purchase human remains to decorate my bedroom (however much I might be tempted). I can be reached via the contact form on this website if you would like to send me a medal of some sort.